


Mine Are Better Than Yours

by popfly



Category: Queer as Folk (US) RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-28
Updated: 2004-09-28
Packaged: 2017-11-09 07:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popfly/pseuds/popfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Randy's brownies bring all the boys to the yard. Or at least one boy to his trailer. Written as a joke/present for <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Severina">Severina</a>. Crack of the utmost crackiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mine Are Better Than Yours

Randy hadn't ever really liked Kim. She was kind of a bitch, and she made crappy music. But he'd always tried to make an effort for Gale's sake. 

The day she brought brownies to the set he decided that he was done trying to like her, and he started to seriously hate her.

Gale's eyes had lit up when she appeared behind the cameras holding the white paper bag in her manly fingers. He'd completely stopped flirting with Randy to lope over, kissing her messily on the mouth before snatching the bag and pawing it open.

His cry could be heard all the way across "Brian's loft". "Ooh, brownies!"

Kim grinned smugly and Randy crossed his arms over his chest, huffing loudly.

Gale spun around, brandishing the bag in front of him. "Look at what Kim brought me." His eyes locked on Randy and he smiled goofily. 

"Brownies, I'm assuming." Randy crossed the set and peered into the bag. "From a bakery," he said, pulling back and sniffing. "Not much of a baker, eh Kim?"

"Nah. I hate baking."

Randy eyed her up and down and decided it had to do with the fact that she had huge manly hands. She'd probably snap wooden spoons in half. He almost laughed to himself at the image, but he covered it with a cough and poked Gale in the arm.

"Gale, could we ...", he trailed off, finishing the sentence with a jerk of his head in the direction of the "bed". Gale was lifting a brownie out of the bag reverently, holding it in the palm of his hand and staring down at it like he could see the second coming of Christ in the swirls of fudge frosting. "Gale," Randy said again, more sharply this time, his eyes wide.

Gale held up a finger to Kim and followed Randy to the "bedroom". "Don't these look awesome Randy?"

"They're from a bakery Gale, it's not like there's weed in them or something."

"Yeah, but they're brownies." Gale was still staring at the brownie and Randy was waiting for him to start drooling.

"Look," Randy said, not wanting to beat around the bush any longer. Kim and her store-bought brownies and her manly spoon-snapping hands had to go. "I think you should break up with Kim."

Gale had just taken a huge bite of brownie and when he looked up at Randy there was frosting on his lip. "Wha?" he asked around the mouthful of chocolate gooey-ness.

"Break up with Kim."

Gale chewed and swallowed. "Um, why?"

Why? He was asking why? "For me."

Gale nodded slowly. "Randy, I'm straight."

Randy growled a little in frustration and propped his hands on his hips. "What does she have that I don't?" Randy didn't see it. He was way prettier than Kim. And if Gale was going for the whole "I like women" thing, Randy didn't see how Kim was helping him convince people. She was manlier than Randy.

Gale gave Randy a comical look of disbelief before holding his paper bag aloft. "Brownies," he declared, shaking the bag a little. "Brownies."

"But they're store-bought!" Randy practically shouted. He didn't see the looks of bewilderment that the crew shot him, nor did he see Kim frowning his way.

"Ah, but Randy," Gale said, laying a hand on Randy's shoulder. Randy had a brief thought that Patrick would freak if Gale got chocolate on Justin's sweater and then Gale was talking again. "You've never given me brownies at all."

He patted Randy's shoulder and then turned, going back across the set and putting his arm around Kim. Kim started talking, and the bass tones of her voice floated across to Randy. Randy didn't pay much attention to the words she was saying, because while she was talking Gale was licking fudge from his fingers, and Randy couldn't focus on anything besides that.

*****

The next day Randy was in his trailer frantically stirring brownie batter in a metal bowl that he had bought from the grocery store along with two boxes of mix and two tubs of frosting. The tiny kitchen space in his trailer was not big enough for Randy to be mixing things in and his elbows were constantly knocking things onto the floor. Thank goodness he had an oven, other wise he would have had to deign to buying brownies like Kim had and that just wouldn’t do at all.

When the brownies were done, and cool, Randy stripped down and grabbed the phone.

“Gale,” he said brusquely when the other man picked up on his end. “You have to come to my trailer. It’s very important.” Gale assented, and Randy hung up and tossed the phone backwards over his shoulder.

Since Gale’s trailer was mere feet away, Randy had to make quick work of sprawling on the couch and covering his body in brownies. He had just enough to cover all of the pertinent areas, and a few leftover for his thighs, and when the knock sounded on his door he was propped prettily on the paisley cushions, his gooey chocolate concoctions dark against his pale, pale skin.

“Come in,” he called, and the door swung open. Gale came in and barely got the door closed behind him before his jaw dropped open and his eyes widened in delight.

“Holy brownies!” he exclaimed, looking like a kid on Christmas morning, coming downstairs to see the piles of presents beneath the tree. Only in this case the kid was a thirty-five year old man, Christmas was a nondescript day in November, the presents were brownies, and the tree was Randy.

“I made these,” Randy said, gesturing slightly with one hand, not wanting to disturb any of the frosted squares.

“You ... “ Gale swallowed hard, his eyes traveling up and down and up and down. Randy was worried that the brownie on his dick would be shoved over and would fall to the floor. He had no idea how to get fudge out of cheap carpeting. “You made me brownies?”

“Mm-hm. Much better than store bought, wouldn’t you say?”

Gale came forward and held out a hand. “Can I have one?”

“They’re yours. Help yourself.” Randy held his breath as Gale’s fingers came closer and closer, and then he sighed when Gale lifted a brownie from his stomach and brought it to his mouth.

“Oh god, this is good,” Gale breathed after his first bite. He polished that one off in less than a minute.

“Take another. Take as many as you want.” Randy watched as Gale took a brownie from his thigh, right below his chest, everywhere but where Randy wanted him to.

Gale reached for his fourth, one slightly lower on his torso than the first one and Randy shook his head. “Uh, no, not that one.”

Gale didn’t ask why, just moved his hand one brownie lower. 

“No, not that one either.”

One lower.

“Yeah, take that one.”

Gale took the brownie and went to take a bite out of it, but stopped halfway to his mouth when he saw what he had uncovered.

“You’re naked under these brownies.”

Randy didn’t say anything, as he didn’t think something so obvious warranted a reply. He just took a tempering breath and watched Gale look at him while he took bites of his brownie. 

Randy started to remove the leftovers and put them back on the tray, thinking momentarily how fun it would be to bring them to the set the next day for everyone to enjoy, and Gale didn’t move from where he was kneeling next to the couch. When the last brownie had been set aside Randy leaned back against the upholstery and smirked.

“I seem to be covered in frosting.”

Gale nodded, and gulped. “You do.”

“Could you help me out with that maybe?”

Gale pressed his lips together and seemed to think it over, so Randy thought he’d help him along. He trailed a finger around his navel, picking up some of the errant frosting and bringing it to his mouth. He sucked his chocolate-y finger while Gale looked on, and didn’t stop until Gale’s breath sounded short and shallow.

“You missed some,” Gale said, in an almost-whisper, his hand hovering over Randy’s stomach.

“Get it for me?” Randy asked in the same hushed tone, and then threw his head back when Gale’s mouth closed over the sensitive skin above his groin, sucking and licking the frosting off.

Gale cleaned his stomach, his chest, his sides, his thighs, until the only part of Randy that still had chocolate on it was his dick. And then Gale cleaned that too, for a good half an hour.

After Randy had been washed with Gale’s tongue, Gale sprawled out on top of Randy and reached for another brownie.

“Haven’t you had enough?” Randy asked, taking a bite when it was offered.

“Never enough,” Gale mumbled, his mouth full of chocolate, a smirk in place.

“So?”

“Yeah, your brownies are way better than Kim’s.”

Randy smiled. He had known that all along.


End file.
